Portfolio Letter to EVERYONE

Dear Reader,
This half-year in college composition has been a very enlightening experience for both my writing and my mind set for when I write. At the beginning of this course, I knew that I wasn't a very good writer but I considered myself a decent one who could pretty much wing an essay and get a relatively good grade on it ranging from a B to an A depending on how involved I was with the topic. Throughout my first few days in college composition I realized that I was writing completely wrong and that winging an easy was the worst writing technique that I could ever use. I learned that there are so many different techniques of writing that I could use I don't know why I have never used them before. Now that I have completed this class I don't know if I could wing an essay even if I tried because I have tried to incorporate so many of these writing techniques into my writing that it has become a habit. I have grown very much as a writer while taking this class not only through how good my writing is but by how I write and plan my pieces. The greatest stride I think I've made throughout the entire class is trying to get the reader involved with what I am trying to say and really connecting with the reader. At first in my pieces, I almost just laid the piece in front of the reader and there was no emotion with what I was trying to say but now I fell that I can really connect with the reader through my writing. The best example of this progress in my writing is the celebrity paper where I try to connect with the reader so that they know how much I really love Taylor Swift.
My first blog is the 7 Deadly Sins Conclusions post. This post is a way that I could revise my 7 Deadly Sins paper to be better and we decided to take it piece by piece. In this post, I chose 3 different types of techniques to write a conclusion and wrote a brand new conclusion to the 7 Deadly Sins paper for each different technique. In doing this I could examine each one and if I were to write the paper all over again, I would have 3 better conclusion to choose from that I could replace the original with.
The next post that I have is the Revision of the Celebrity Paper. In this post I chose a piece that I would like to be revised and asked Mrs. Basko for feedback on 3 flaws that I found in my essay so that I could improve the essay if I were to revise it. Within a few days, she commented on the post with feedback on what I requested and it was very insightful for what I should do if I were to write another essay similar to this one. While reading her feedback, I learned that a paper can get its point across with just dialogue and when it calls for it, there is no such thing as too much dialogue. I never realized this before and I believe that I can really use that lesson when writing future papers.
The next post is the How-To Paper. In this paper, my group and I wrote a piece with directions on what to do in order to successfully hand in homework late and get credit. In this post I criticized the piece and noted what needed to be fixed on the paper. This was the first paper that I had ever written directly giving the reader directions on what to do in order to do something so obviously there were some serious flaws in the piece.
The next post on my blog is the Revision of 7 Deadly Sins Paper Post 2. In this post, I revised my 7 Deadly Sins paper as best as I could at the time. Unfortunately, as stated in the blog, I couldn't really do too much because I was very unclear with what to do when I came to fixing transitions. One revision that I was able to do however, was attempt to fix my conclusion. This was before I wrote 3 brand new conclusions so what I did to revise it was add an extra sentence to it that summed up the piece and didn't leave the reader hanging.
The next post on the blog is the Revision of 7 Deadly Sins. In this post, I had just read my 7 Deadly Sins paper for the first time since handing it in and I was making revisions on it. I basically just posted everything that I thought needed to be fixed in the paper if I were to revise it and it really came in handy when I actually did revise the paper. What I learned when writing this post is that you can always revise a paper no matter how good you think it is because there is no such thing as a perfect paper.
The next post is the Introductions to the Cookie Essay. In this post I wrote 3 new introductions to my food paper using 3 different techniques of writing introductions that we learned in class. As it turned out, I believe that all 3 of the new introductions that I wrote using the new techniques was better than my first introduction that I wrote in the original paper. While writing this post, I learned that if you wish to revise a paper, revising it piece by piece can be a very effective way to make a paper better.
The last paper I wrote was the Food Paper. In this post, I wrote about what I needed to know in order to draft and organize this paper. I wrote about the challenges and easiest part of writing the paper and I basically wrote about my experience while writing the piece. While writing this post, I learned that if you wish to revise a paper, try to explain to yourself what was the hardest for you and that is probably what you need to revise the most.
I really hope that you like all of the posts that I have written in this blog and writing them was a great experience. Through college composition, I feel that I have become a much more advanced writing and I think that all of my future essay will be greatly influenced by what I learned in this class. I would also like to thank Mrs. Basko for teaching me so much in a half of a year and what she taught me will help me with my essay for the rest of my life!
Your Blogtastic Blogger,
Matt

7 Deadly Sins Conclusions

For the 7 Deadly Sins paper, my conclusion was pretty bad and it definitely needs some fixing up. We read a packet that explained how to write a good conclusion and tips or techniques to do so. For my first new conclusion, I decided to try to recommend the reader with a course of action. In the packet we read, it explained how this was a good idea if you wanted to explain and restate your thesis or give a moral to your story.
This story is one that teaches us a big lesson, no matter who you are, big or small, strong or weak, you are subject to the 7 deadly sins. Most of us think that we are immune to these sins but no one really is. Remember this next time your in the mall, or out with your friends, or even at home. You are never immune to these sins! So be careful and think about what you're doing.
The next conclusion that I decided to try was through using a quotation. Through the use of quotations, one can use the words of other people and them expand on them through your own words to reinforce your idea.
Men were not intended to work with the accuracy of tools, to be precise and perfect in all their actions. -John Ruskin
This quote simply displays only one hard to understand truth. No one is perfect no matter how much they think they are. There will always be those who are jealous, envious, and even lustful. No one can avoid the 7 deadly sins no matter how high they think of themselves and no matter how hard they try. As proven in the "7 Deadly Sins Committed at a Church Bake Sale" and in this paper, it is literally impossible to avoid these sins.

Revision of The Celebrity Paper

The celebrity paper that I wrote was about how I theoretically lived in New York City and met Taylor Swift. This essay was a very easy essay to write, but I know that there are serious flaws in the paper. I wrote the paper with excitement but I didn't use my head much and didn't think of what the reader would think when they read it. The first point of the paper that I would like revised is the conclusion. The paper has almost a blunt end and I feel that it leaves the reader hanging. The second piece of the paper that I would like revised is the dialogue. I would like it know if it is good dialogue and if it gets the point across about how much I like Taylor Swift and it shows how excited I am. The last piece that I would like revised is if I need more background or words. I have a lot of dialogue and I don't know if its too much or if it overwhelms the essay.
Here's the essay! thanks for revising!

Matt Rybak

Mrs. Basko

Meet the Modern Frank Sinatra

9/22/10

            “Be careful what you wish for, because it just might come true.”

 Every weekend throughout the summer, my friends and I went to Central Park to play Frisbee. It was the only way that we could see each other without fail in our busy lives of college visits, jobs, and of course parents. I would always make sure that when I received my schedules for the week, Saturday at 2pm was free. Being a huge Taylor Swift fan I knew that she was in town for a string of concerts. Somehow, on my Saturday, one of the greatest events that has ever happened to me, started to occur.

I woke up Saturday morning feeling great because of my Frisbee game that was to happen at 2pm. Until then my day was normal and boring so I decided to ride my bike through the city streets to Central Park to kill some time. I chain my bike up and sit down on a bench to wait for my friends when suddenly, I hear very familiar music. I look up and across the park, Taylor Swift is setting up microphones and amps for a surprise charity concert in the park! At first I didn’t believe my eyes but after rubbing my eyes and pinching myself until my skin turned red I realized that she was real. I ran over as fast as I could but slowed down before she saw me because I didn’t want to be just another crazy fan. As I walked up to her I could tell that T.V and magazine didn’t do her any justice. Her golden blond hair reminded me of the endless wheat fields surrounding my grandmother’s house and her eyes were as beautiful and blue as the Caribbean Sea. Her faced was something sent from heaven and her cheeks were as full of color as the sunset. She was wearing a dress that seemed to compliment her features in every way but I figure that she would’ve looked just as amazing in pajamas. During my trance I only heard one thing; a voice saying “Hey, are you OK?”

As I heard the voice I realized that I had been staring for who knows how long and that Taylor was starting to get concerned. I snapped out of it and tried to act as if nothing had happened and responded “Huh? Oh yea, I’m great!”

“What’s your name?” Taylor said.

“Matt…. Matt Rybak” I responded in a slightly shaky voice. I was still in a state of disbelief.

“Well Matt, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Taylor Swift.”

“Yea I know. You look better in person than you do on T.V” I doubt that I could get any dorkier.

“Well thank you!” she responded and giggled. “Are you going to stay for the concert?”

“Of course! I wouldn’t miss it for anything! But I have some questions to ask you. Is that alright?”

“Yea I think I have some time before I have to start to get ready, go ahead.”

“Awesome! So what is your favorite sport?”

“Well, truthfully I never really played any sports in high school because I could never do any good in them but I love to watch them, especially football.”

“Wow I never would have guessed that! Alright what do you do during your spare time?”

“Well mostly I just experiment with my guitar and music. But I also love to spend time with my family and I give to charity a lot.”

“I should’ve assumed that! You definitely seem like that kind of person. Alright last question”

“Yea”

“Will you go out with me?”

“What? Oh no. I can’t do that! You’re just a fan! I could never do that.”

“Oh ok…. Well I’m sorry for taking away some of your time.” I was crushed. I couldn’t even stay for the concert that I was looking forward to so much. I just went home and even missed my Frisbee game. When I arrived home, I didn’t do anything; I just went to my room and sat there. My mom told me last year that depression has run in the family and that around the stressful teenage time; it starts to really show its face. I used to think that I wouldn’t have it but I started to feel it the moment Taylor answered. For days I just stared at my wall and was very anti-social but eventually I started to recover and feel happy again. It was as I started to recover that I remember a quote that I had heard once, “Be careful what you wish for, because it just might come true.”

           

           

The How-To paper.

When I first read this paper again, I noticed that it wasn't as good as it could possibly be. Our paper was in need of more examples and more situations. For example, we never showed in our paper what to do when the teacher responds to a question in a negative way. We just assumed it would work. We could add an entire new paragraph to just what the teacher says let alone what to do about it. Another thing that we missed was a conclusion. We just forgot about it and it leaves the reader hanging when they finish reading the paper.

How To Hand In Work Late and Get Credit

By: Matt Rybak, Taylor Schafer, and Garrett Wilkinson

                                                              

            No high school kid is ever able to hand in all of their work on time. Here are some tips and ways to hand in work late and still receive credit. Whether it be math homework, science homework, or another subject these tips should help you get credit for your late work.

1. Make up a good excuse like:

The excuse is the core of these steps, because if your excuse is not believable then you will not get credit for your work. Below are some examples of excuses that will work, but make sure that your excuse is detailed and makes sense for your particular situation.

·        Family Problems

·        Printer/ Computer did not work

·        Miss Communication/ unsure of the due date

·        Or any other believable excuse you can come up with

2. Plan what you will say

After you have your excuse you should plan exactly what you are going to say to the teacher. Many kids act nervous and in doing this give away that they are not telling the truth, so remain calm and practice will make you more comfortable with your excuse.

·        Don’t act nervous

·        Be ready to explain yourself

·        Have a the excuse prepared word for word before going into the class           

3. Pulling it off

Now you have to actually pull off your plan, and to do this you need to make sure you have a good attitude and are sincere with your explanation. Use these tips below to make your excuse easier to pull off.

·        Be sincere and apologetic

·        And again don’t be nervous

·        Be believable

·        Stick to your plan, don’t make things up on the spot

4. Afterwards

Once you have successfully completed your plan there are a few things you should do. In doing these things you will stay on the teacher’s good side, and you may even be able to get away with handing in homework late again.

·        Thank the teacher for excepting the work late

·        Apologize again

·        Promise to get work in by a certain date

·         follow through on this due date

Follow these simple steps, and you should have no problem getting credit for your occasional late work. Don’t forget to act casual, have a plan, and stick to your plan. After going through this process a couple off times you will learn how to hand in work late without stressing at all. This simple list of steps and tips should get you on your way to being comfortable with handing in late work for credit.

WARNING: If you use these steps to hand in your late work to the same teacher several times, they may suspect that you are lying and you will not receive credit for your work, so use these tips only when it is necessary.

Revision of 7 Deadly Sins Paper Post 2

After taking a look at what I believed that I needed to revise, I went to work. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to do much because I had no idea how to fix my transitions. But I made a few small grammatical changes along with some spelling errors. The biggest change to my paper I made however, was my conclusion. I added another sentence to it that wrapped up what I was trying to say and it gives the reader a good way to stop reading the paper and doesn't keep them hanging.

Matt Rybak

7 Deadly Sins

            The day was August 21, 2005, and my friends and I decided that we would go to the mall for a great day and some window shopping. We went to the Auburn County Mall at around three o’clock but little did we know, we would all experience the seven deadly sins first hand on that fateful day.

            As soon as we walk in, Bubba turns to me and says “Matt, can we eat? I am so hungry! I only ate lunch at eleven and I’m dying right now!” Bubba was a very husky twelve year old with short black hair covered by a Mets baseball hat. His problem wasn’t a small metabolism; it was the fact that this boy would not stop eating! He was always hungry and continuously begging me to get something to eat and after the many adventures we have been through together, I just can’t say no.

            As a twist of fate, Burger King happened to be right next to us and I know that it was Bubba’s favorite. He loved the whopper with all of its delicious greasiness along with the salty and plump fries. We used to go to Burger King so often that I can even remember his favorite combination; a whopper meal with a large fry and a large drink, onion rings, steak fries, and of course, another large fry. Occasionally I would be disgusted by the amount of food bubba’s black hole of a stomach could take in but I would always sit with him as he ate despite that. Today was one of those days that I could not stand Bubba’s eating, so I left him to his meal and continued on with the rest of our group.

            As we continue to walk along throughout the mall, all of the sudden, I hear a high pitched squeal. By little brother Jim was stopped dead in his tracks, staring across the hallway. My friends and I called him Little Jimmy because he looked like a small version of me. Across the hall, was a window filled with all of the colors of the rainbow and more! In big lettering above the window was “CANDY STORE” written in gargantuan letters so that none of the shoppers walking past could miss it. Little Jimmy ends his squeal and starts to beg, “Matt? Can I please have a few dollars for some candy? Pretty please?”

            “No way bud, I’ll give you a dollar for a pack of gum or a chocolate bar but that’s it!”

            “Awwww Matt please? I won’t be able to get my tootsie rolls or my pixie sticks!” he groans.

            “Ok fine, you can have three dollars.” I gave in.

            “But Matt!”

            “Fine Jimmy! Here’s a five!” I reply very frustrated.

            “Thanks Matt! You’re the best!” he yells back as he runs into the candy store.

            Now with two members of our group gone, we didn’t have very many left, but we continued with our adventure around the mall. As we walked for about five minutes we passed “GETTIN BIG GYM”, the most prestigious and intense gym around. As I look back, the strongest member of our group, Bruce, is stopped dead in front of the gym. Bruce’s arms are as big as my head and in sixth grade he was five foot nine inches. Bruce wasn’t the brightest bulb on the tree and he didn’t talk. Occasionally when he did make a noise, it wouldn’t be a word, but a grunt. Bruce hobbled into the gym and beckoned us to join him as he laid down on the bench press. The bar had as many weights as it could possibly hold and the steel bar was literally bending from the immense weight. Bruce took a deep breath and started to bench press the bar! I thought it could weigh no less than a ton and Bruce could do it easily! For the next ten minutes Bruce would bring us over to different machines and he would demonstrate how to use them while using the maximum weight. What made me mad though was the fact that he expected that we could do the same and he seemed surprised when we couldn’t do anything. He just laughed and continued to lift enormous weights. As he was on his 35^th pull up, the remaining members of our group snuck out of the gym to continue on our excursion.

            As we continued to walk with our diminishing group, we heard a faint beat that grew louder and louder as we moved forward. Soon, we found the source of the beat, Victoria’s Secret. Music was playing inside and beautiful women were plastered among the walls so all could see. Ronny, the most imaginative in our group, couldn’t take his eyes off of the women in the windows. Just as I was about to grab him to force him along, a flawless woman strutted into the store and Ronny ran after her like a cat chasing yarn. None of us even dared to follow him, so he considered him a lost cause I didn’t even try to save him form his lust.

            Henry was the man who brought us to the mall. He had a huge mini van that some could consider a bus and he was intertwined with all of our families so he could easily be trusted. As we continued to walk, Henry began to speak for the first time that day, “Hold up for a second guys, I have to run an errand.”

            Henry began to walk increasingly briskly to the store adjacent to us as he pulled out his wallet. I finally realized what his errand actually was; he was buying a lotto ticket from the drugstore next to us with very high hopes of winning. I had some pity for him as he bought his lotto card. He scratched off the card with a spare penny and to only his surprise he didn’t win. Little did he realize was that as he was scratching off his card, another man walked past him to the same machine and bought a card. The man copies Henry exactly as he walks a couple of feet, pulls out a penny, and starts to scratch off the card. This man’s reaction however, was one completely different to Henry’s. This man began to jump for joy and yell! He began to yell “I won! I won! I actually won!”

            The man then proceeded to tell the crowd that was slowly forming around him that he had just won the jackpot which happened to be sixteen million dollars. Henry just stared in awe at the man and once he finally moved, he walked very solemnly to the closest wall and slid down in an obvious state of depression. I asked him what was wrong and he explained to me how mad he was at himself and at the man for not waiting and buying the ticket. I was surprised to see how envious Henry was at this complete stranger but I decided not to try to comfort him and leave him to his sulking as I walked away.

            With so many friends lost from our group there were only three of us left as we headed into Bed Bath and Beyond to walk around and see how soft some of the pillows were. Bob, I noticed was spending a particularly long time rubbing his face against the pillow and sitting on the beds. As I beckoned him to continue on, he came up to me and said “Matt, I am so tired! I only got ten hours of sleep last night and I can’t stand it!”

            “Ten hours of sleep? That is more sleep than I get in two days sometimes!” I exclaimed. “You know what Bob? Just go and lay on one of the beds, and get some of your obviously much needed sleep.”

            Within seconds, Bob was on one of the nearby beds asleep. It made me rather mad that he could just ditch us just because he is so lazy but, I left him alone and continued on my journey with the last remaining member of our once enormous group. The last remaining member of my group was a girl named Katie. It was just me and her but since we were great friends it wasn’t very weird and I had grown out of my cootie phobia. We had ventured around the entire mall by then and I realized that we had missed lunch! So I asked her if she wanted to go to Friendly’s for something to eat! With a lack of better things to do she agreed and we headed in. For some reason, the ever so popular restaurant was not very busy and we were seated very quickly. Our waitress came up and asked, “Hello, my name is Jenny and I’ll be serving you today. Can I start you two out with some drinks?”

            “Sure!” I responded for the both of us. “I’ll have lemonade and she will have a coke.”

            We talked while we waited for our beverages and when they came, Katie was given her coke but I received an apple juice. I didn’t bother to say anything because I am a fan of apple juice but our waitress was starting to get on my nerves. When our waitress came back to take our orders I ordered some chicken nuggets and Katie ordered a chicken salad. When our waitress came back, she put two salads down on the table. That’s when I exploded! I started to yell at the waitress and I got up and left! I was so furious I literally started to walk home.

            That day in the mall was one filled with emotions both good and bad. Some were hurt emotionally, some were happy, but all together, everyone was punished for committing each of the seven deadly sins. This day just goes to prove, no matter who you are, big or small, strong or weak, you cannot be perfect and most likely, you have committed one of the seven deadly sins.

Revision of 7 Deadly Sins

When I was first drafted this paper, and when I first read "All Seven Deadly Sins Committed at Church Bake Sale" I was very surprised. I didn't know how easily that those who would seem innocent and normal such as those at a church bake sale, would be able to demonstrate all of the 7 deadly sins. I also found it very surprising that it would be so easy to come up with examples that could perfectly display committing those sins.

As I worked on this draft, I found that some of the sins were more difficult than others to make examples for and I thought that my essay pretty repetitive. The examples that I wrote about were obviously different but the format and ending to each paragraph seemed to be somewhat identical. I also don't think that my thesis was very good and it seemed like my essay sounded like a pointless paper.

What I struggled with during this paper was that it was difficult to come up with some ideas and make the essay flow. I thought it was choppy and I think I still just jumped from one sin to the other without and transition.

Once I finally began writing about one of the sins and started writing the story, I was easily able to continue on and finish my story. I could keep going and describe the people that I was trying to display to the reader as I continued to write the paper. It was also easy to finish up my ideas as I went from one sin to another.

While I was writing this draft, I began to learn more and more about exemplification. I learned that exemplification wasn't just details that could display what a person looked like or what something was like. Details need to connect to the reader as they read the paper. The reader should be connecting to the characters being described as they read about them and they should be able to sense the character's personality just like they met them for the first time.

When I read my 7 deadly sins paper again for the first time yesterday, I didn't really like it. I believe that I wrote a pretty poor paper and there should be some serious revisions towards it. What I liked about the paper was that the way I described characters and personalities was one of the greatest strengths of the paper. I feel that I did very well in describing each character physically and I did just as well displaying their personalities to the reader. The greatest weakness of the paper was that my transitions were horrible. When i switched from story to story or from each situation, I didn't do it smoothly. I basically summed up the first topic and then quickly switched to the next.

Based on my self-revision sheet, my main concern on fixing my paper is with my transitions. I need to be able to smoothly go from one story or topic to another. In my opinion the reader will be very confused on why I suddenly switch subjects and that is my goal to fix.

Matt Rybak

7 Deadly Sins

            The day was August 21, 2005, and my friends and I decided that we would go to the mall for a great day and some window shopping. We went to the Auburn County Mall at around three o’clock but little did we know, we would all experience the seven deadly sins first hand on that fateful day.

            As soon as we walk in, Bubba turns to me and says “Matt, can we eat? I am so hungry! I only ate lunch at eleven and I’m dying right now!” Bubba was a very husky twelve year old with short black hair covered by a Mets baseball hat. His problem wasn’t a small metabolism; it was the fact that this boy would not stop eating! He was always hungry and continuously begging me to get something to eat and after the many adventures we have been through together, I just can’t say no.

            As a twist of fate, Burger King happened to be right next to us and I know that it was Bubba’s favorite. He loved the whopper with all of its delicious greasiness along with the salty and plump fries. We used to go to Burger King so often that I can even remember his favorite combination; a whopper meal with a large fry and a large drink, onion rings, steak fries, and of course, another large fry. Occasionally I would be disgusted by the amount of food bubba’s black hole of a stomach could take in but I would always sit with him as he ate despite that. Today was one of those days that I could not stand Bubba’s eating, so I left him to his meal and continued on with the rest of our group.

            As we continue to walk along throughout the mall, all of the sudden, I hear a high pitched squeal. By little brother Jim was stopped dead in his tracks, staring across the hallway. My friends and I called him Little Jimmy because he looked like a small version of me. Across the hall, was a window filled with all of the colors of the rainbow and more! In big lettering above the window was “CANDY STORE” written in gargantuan letters so that none of the shoppers walking past could miss it. Little Jimmy ends his squeal and starts to beg, “Matt? Can I please have a few dollars for some candy? Pretty please?”

            “No way bud, I’ll give you a dollar for a pack of gum or a chocolate bar but that’s it!”

            “Awwww Matt please? I won’t be able to get my tootsie rolls or my pixie sticks!” he groans.

            “Ok fine, you can have three dollars.” I gave in.

            “But Matt!”

            “Fine Jimmy! Here’s a five!” I reply very frustrated.

            “Thanks Matt! You’re the best!” he yells back as he runs into the candy store.

            Now with two members of our group gone, we didn’t have very many left, but we continued with our adventure around the mall. As we walked for about five minutes we passed “GETTIN BIG GYM”, the most prestigious and intense gym around. As I look back, the strongest member of our group, Bruce, is stopped dead in front of the gym. Bruce’s arms are as big as my head and in sixth grade he was five foot nine inches. Bruce wasn’t the brightest bulb on the tree and he didn’t talk. Occasionally when he did make a noise, it wouldn’t be a word, but a grunt. Bruce hobbled into the gym and beckoned us to join him as he laid down on the bench press. The bar had as many weights as it could possibly hold and the steel bar was literally bending from the immense weight. Bruce took a deep breath and started to bench press the bar! I thought it could weigh no less than a ton and Bruce could do it easily! For the next ten minutes Bruce would bring us over to different machines and he would demonstrate how to use them while using the maximum weight. What made me mad though was the fact that he expected that we could do the same and he seemed surprised when we couldn’t do anything. He just laughed and continued to lift enormous weights. As he was on his 35^th pull up, the remaining members of our group snuck out of the gym to continue on our excursion.

            As we continued to walk with our diminishing group, we heard a faint beat that grew louder and louder as we moved forward. Soon, we found the source of the beat, Victoria’s Secret. Music was playing inside and beautiful women were plastered among the walls so all could see. Ronny, the most imaginative in our group, couldn’t take his eyes off of the women in the windows. Just as I was about to grab him to force him along, a flawless woman strutted into the store and Ronny ran after her like a cat chasing yarn. None of us even dared to follow him, so he considered him a lost cause I didn’t even try to save him form his lust.

            Henry was the man who brought us to the mall. He had a huge mini van that some could consider a bus and he was intertwined with all of our families so he could easily be trusted. As we continued to walk, Henry began to speak for the first time that day, “Hold up for a second guys, I have to run an errand.”

            Henry began to walk increasingly briskly to the store adjacent to us as he pulled out his wallet. I finally realized what his errand actually was, he was buying a lotto ticket from the drugstore next to us with very high hopes of winning. I had some pity for him as he bought his lotto card. He scratched off the card with a spare penny and to only his surprise he didn’t win. Little did he realize was that as he was scratching off his card, another man walked past him to the same machine and bought a card. The man copies Henry exactly as he walks a couple of feet, pulls out a penny, and starts to scratch off the card. This man’s reaction however, was one completely different to Henry’s. This man began to jump for joy and yell! He began to yell “I won! I won! I actually won!”

            The man then preceded to tell the crowd that was slowly forming around him that he had just won the jackpot which happened to be sixteen million dollars. Henry just stared in awe at the man and once he finally moved, he walked very solemnly to the closest wall and slid down in an obvious state of depression. I asked him what was wrong and he explained to me how mad he was at himself and at the man for not waiting and buying the ticket. I was surprised to see how envious Henry was at this complete stranger but I decided not to try to comfort him and leave him to his sulking as I walked away.

            With so many friends lost from our group there were only three of us left as we headed into Bed Bath and Beyond to walk around and see how soft some of the pillows were. Bob, I noticed was spending a particularly long time rubbing his face against the pillow and sitting on the beds. As I beckoned him to continue on, he came up to me and said “Matt, I am so tired! I only got ten hours of sleep last night and I can’t stand it!”

            “Ten hours of sleep? That is more sleep than I get in two days sometimes!” I exclaimed. “You know what Bob? Just go and lay on one of the beds, and get some of your obviously much needed sleep.”

            Within seconds, Bob was on one of the nearby beds asleep. It made me rather mad that he could just ditch us just because he is so lazy but, I left him alone and continued on my journey with the last remaining member of our once enormous group. The last remaining member of my group was a girl named Katie. It was just me and her but since we were great friends it wasn’t very weird and I had grown out of my cootie phobia. We had ventured around the entire mall by then and I realized that we had missed lunch! So I asked her if she wanted to go to Friendly’s for something to eat! With a lack of better things to do she agreed and we headed in. For some reason, the ever so popular restaurant was not very busy and we were seated very quickly. Our waitress came up and asked, “Hello, my name is Jenny and I’ll be serving you today. Can I start you tow out with some drinks?”

            “Sure!” I responded for the both of us. “I’ll have a lemonade and she will have a coke.”

            We talked while we waited for our beverages and when they came, Katie was given her coke but I received an apple juice. I didn’t bother to say anything because I am a fan of apple juice but our waitress was starting to get on my nerves. When our waitress came back to take our orders I ordered some chicken nuggets and Katie ordered a chicken salad. When our waitress came back, she put two salads down on the table. That’s when I exploded! I started to yell at the waitress and I got up and left! I was so furious I literally started to walk home.

            That day in the mall was one filled with emotions both good and bad. Some were hurt emotionally, some were happy, but all together, everyone was punished for committing each of the seven deadly sins.

Introductions to the Cookie essay

During my cookie esasy, I virtually didn't use any techniques in my introduction. This blog is meant to try to create new introductions to hook the reader and make them want to read my paper. The first technique that I would like to try is to write the introductions through the use of an anecdote.

I just didn't know what to do! My stomach was rumbling and there was no way to stop it. I began pacing back and forward thinking about how to solve my dilemma but the rumbling was very distracting. Suddenly, I realized what I wanted! The world's most famous cookie was calling my name from the kitchen cupboard and I couldn't resist its call. The chocolate chip cookie is the best cookie in the world and everyone knows its name. This made me wonder, "Does a delicious choclate chip cookie taste any different when made by different companies?"
The next technique I wished to try to use was to start the introduction off with a good question.
If you were to go to any part of the world, what do you think you could find? If you wanted a cookie, what type would it be? What type of cookie is known throughout the world and is praised by all? The chocolate chip cookie is the most delicious and well known cookie in the world! It made me begin to ask, "Is there such thing as a different chocolate chip cookie if it is made by a different company?"
The last technique that I wanted to try was to begin my essay with a quotation.
"Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get." -Forrest Gump
This quotation shows that how you can't expect what life throws at you, it will always be unexpected. This is exactly what I learned when I tested chocolate chip cookies. At first I believed that they would all be delicious and taste just like I could dream, but the day we tested if chocolate chip cookies were the same from different brands, I was in for a big surprise.

Food Paper

In order to draft this paper, I needed to know how to both describe and organize a list that would effectively display my thesis. I only thought my essay was okay, but I didn't think it was perfect and knew it could use some revision. The first draft I wrote was relatively easy because most of the information that was put in the paper was in the packet we used to record our observations. The hardest part about writing the essay was making it personalized and trying to not make it boring. The best part about writing this paper was that I was able to write about cookies, which I enjoy writing about. The most frustrating thing about it was that it was extremely difficult to make interesting and not just fact filled. Within this draft i used transitions and a subject-by-subject organizational structure.
When I re-read my draft today, I liked the fact that i was able to read about cookies but I thought that the essay was very bland and like the cookies, needed more flavor.
My partner didn't really criticize my paper at all and he thought that it was very good and didn't need revisions.
Within my paper I believe that I should revise my transitions and make them more flavorful. My main goal would to be to make the paper an interesting piece and not boring.

Matt Rybak

Cookie essay

           

            During college composition, we read article “No Wonder They Call Me a Bitch,” by Ann Hodgman, about how one food critic literally ate dog food to see how it tasted. She ate disgusting varieties of dog food that would make one of a weak stomach to puke just at the sight of it. I was appalled by just reading it! Hodgman and her experiment led me to want to experiment for myself, but with a more easily digested food.

            Chocolate chip cookies are America’s favorite cookie. They were accidentally first baked in 1930 in a small inn named The Toll House Inn. While Ruth Wakefield was preparing to make a batch of cookies, she put in bits of Nestlé’s semi-sweet chocolate bar in order to make the batter chocolate. To her surprise, the chocolate bits didn’t melt and fuse with the batter, but softened within the cookie and as a result, the very first chocolate chip cookie was made.

            The first cookie that I tried was a chocolate chipped cookie from Chips Deluxe. At first look, the cookie looks very dry, cracked, and small. The smell was very appeasing with a delicious chocolate smell that made my mouth water. As I bit into it, the cookie was very crunchy, and very dry. It was lacking a chocolate flavor and the cookie overpowered it a little.

            The next cookie I tested was a sugar free chocolate chip cookie. At my first look, it looked delicious and I could almost see the sugar in it! But once I bit into it, I remembered that looks can indeed be deceiving. The cookie was stale, dry, and all I could taste was vanilla! There was absolutely no chocolate taste and I was very disappointed with the revolting taste in my mouth.

            After the sugar free cookie, I tested my favorite childhood cookie, I had huge expectations. It looked very crunchy and the chocolate chips were bulging out of each cookie. As I bit into the cookie, I felt like I bit into a rock! And I clenched my jaw and finally crushed my way through my first bite! It was disgusting and there wasn’t nearly enough chocolate! The cookie was amazingly bland and I was extremely surprised to know that I actually used to like this cookie.

            The Archway cookie was the first cookie that looked absolutely delicious! Before you even bit into it, you could tell that it was going to be good. It was a huge cookie and was as soft as a blanket! As I was looking at it, I could imagine biting into it and having the chocolate melt in my mouth. Once I finally bit into it, I had an entirely new take on the cookie. It was revolting and it almost tasted sour! The chunks of brown substance in the cookie could not have been chocolate because I could not taste any chocolate whatsoever.

            Wegman's is a grocery store that sells excellent food and it is where I do all of my grocery shopping. So when I realized that the next cookie that I would be testing was from Wegman's, I had very high expectations. From all of the horrible cookies that I have had before I could almost taste a delicious cookie before I even opened the package! When I took the cookie out of the package it was as soft as a pillow and was filled with chocolate chips. The chocolate chip cookie was as big as my hand and I could not wait to eat it. Once I bit into it, it was as soft as I thought it would be and the cookie dissolved in my mouth. For once, the taste was not too bad yet, I was still disappointed with the taste. It was a mediocre cookie and there really wasn’t that much taste but it was easily my favorite of the day.

            The last cookie that I tested was a cookie made by Pepperidge Farms. The packaging made the cookie look delicious and it was the one I wanted to try the most. When I picked out the cookie from the bag it was concealed in I could feel how soft it was through its plastic packaging. The first thing that I noticed was that the chocolate chips that dotted the cookie were a pale brown, unlike any chocolate chips that I had ever eaten. Once I bit into it, I realized that I should’ve thrown it away when I noticed that the color of the chocolate chips were off. The cookie was not very good and I can easily say that the packaging was the most misleading.

            Each cookie had an each and individual taste which defined each brand. Most of the cookies were horrible and I couldn’t even imagine how Hodgman ate all of that dog food. Throughout my experiment, I learned that trying different types of the same food can really give me a different outlook on what I’m eating. I plan on conducting the experiment again with other foods that I enjoy.